I often wonder to myself if all women feel this way in pregnancy. There are such highs and lows. The highs of finally having made it never go away. But the lows are looming. "Will I be a good mommy?", "Will I be able to do this?", "Why does everyone make it sound so agonizing but beautiful?" - That is one thing I will never understand until baby is here. I can't even phathom what this means. How terribly hard but worth it, it is. I just don't get it quite yet.
I am beginning to feel baby move more often. In fact, I felt that little monster 3 seconds before I started this sentence. It is such a feeling that has no words. There are no words to describe it. Amazing doesn't do it justice. The quick little bubble or flutter I will feel here and there and just KNOW deep down that it is baby turning over or stretching a leg out.....it's just a phenomenal feeling.
I still cannot for one second believe I am here. The weeks pile on and I feel like I am left breathless with "Whoa, 18 weeks 3 days already?" (today). I still listen to baby everyday at least once a day. It's getting so strong, Rob can hear it from another room and he'll ask "How fast, babe?" ...That is one of my favorite moments I have ever experienced. I look forward to it everyday. My day is not whole until I hear that baby is fine and beating away. I feel like my life will never be fulfilled again until I know each and every day that my baby is okay -whether they are 3 or 56. I now know why my mom and dad call me so often. How can you rest every night, completely satisfied, without knowing your heart and soul and your everything is okay? I don't understand moms who take for granted this miracle. I don't understand dads who walk away, never to turn back. I am completely devoted to this little baby. I am wrapped around his/her finger and I am so in love.
I just can't wait to see those eyes. To watch that little mouth curl into a smile. To be by his/her side for each triumph and tribulation. To be there any time I am needed. To read a story when monsters are under the bed. To bake cookies or paint a picture wiith when life seems a bit hectic or ugly. I don't know how to thank God or my angels or my lucky stars enough for this gift.. But I will work every single day to make them proud and to do right by my little family.
Mommy loves you, Monster. Forever and for always.
