Thursday, May 3, 2012

Chance's Birth Story

I know I haven't been around much lately and I guess it's to be expected. The exhaustion that ensues from the last few weeks of pregnancy results in no motivation whatsoever to write in my blog. Sadly.
I want to document Chance's birth story while it is still fresh in my mind. He is a week and two days old at this point. He was born Tuesday morning, April the 24th, at 8:16 AM.  The process of his arrival started early on at around 6 months maybe? My blood pressure has been wonky and all over the place. Fluctuating to borderline low and sky-rocketing to really high. Lowest I ever saw was 105/59 and highest was 165/90. Every time I had my blood pressure checked, it was anywhere between those numbers. That's a scary thing while you are pregnant. Dr. Powers had me do the urine collection early on to have sort of a baseline for later, to check protein levels. Apparently protein in urine while pregnant (or anytime maybe) is bad. Each appointment, I had to have my blood pressure checked a couple of times until we got a satisfactory reading. Doctor still didn't like that. I went from high to normal to high to low each time. My last two appointments were where things started to happen fast. I had an appointment and we checked my blood pressure, running a little high as usual, and then my urine was checked. Protein. Doc was super concerned and told me to go to L&D if I started to feel headaches, light headed, blurred vision, pain in chest, etc. Rob and I bought our very own blood pressure monitor and monitored me closely. It fluctuated but stayed high. Rob decided it'd be in my best interest to go to L&D and be monitored. I was 37 weeks at that point and was NOT happy about an overnight L&D stay. There is no resting at that place! But I was checked and monitored all night. Doc came in the morning to chat with me and said "I am going to try to get one more week out of this pregnancy. You are now on bed rest, vacation, if you will. No more walks, no more strenuous activity, etc. and I will see you on Monday for your next appointment and we will check you out again." Monday came around, blood pressure was a bit high, and of course, there was protein in my urine. I kind of knew what was coming when doc came in the room. He said it is dangerous to let me continue on and he would never forgive himself if I turned out to have pre-eclampsia and caused any damage to me or baby. He said "I want to induce you tonight." After checking my cervix to see if my body was favorable for an induction, and finding out that I was in fact NOT favorable, we discussed statistics, dangers, risks, probabilities etc and mutually decided upon a cesarean section early the next morning, the 24th of April. Having it be classified as an emergency c-section due to gestational hypertension sounded really scary to me, but I turned off my emotions and entered auto-pilot mode like I am so good at doing somehow. It's like when things get really scary or real, I retreat to a happy place and just stay there and let my body do what I need it to do. So. We went home to get some "sleep" for the next morning's amazing, life-changing adventure.  We were to be at the hopsital at 6 AM to prep for an 8 AM surgery. We packed my hospital bag, brought my comfy pregnancy pillow, and other odds and ends and went to bed. I tossed and turned all night long. Numb yet antsy, anxious, and excited. I could hardly believe our baby would be here the next morning. I tried to wrap my brain around the idea that I would go in at 6 in the morning and be holding my baby a short few hours later.
Morning rolled around, finally, and we got up and got ready. I took one last picture of my pregnant belly and we made our drive to the hospital.  When we got there, we filled out some paperwork and were taken into Triage to start the preparations for surgery. My vitals were taken, an IV was put in MY WRIST?!?! (I HATED that part!!), sticky things with cords were on my chest, I had people listen to my breathing and heart I don't know how many times, blood pressure cuff checked blood pressure every 15 minutes or so, pulse thing was on my finger, and I felt like a science project! As I laid there in my designated bed and observed Rob, I could just feel the excitement radiating off of him. It was so beautiful to see. He was so happy and was just in heaven waiting for his baby boy's arrival. The anesthesiologist came in to talk to me about the epidural process. The idea of an epidural is so so scary. I was not looking forward to any of the next steps in the process. Just the meeting of my baby. That's all I could look forward to. I was taken back to the operating room and Rob was told to wait in the hall while they prepped me further. I sat on a bed and the bed was raised up high while I was given a pillow to hug while the anesthesiologist found the spinal sac in my back to put the spinal anesthesia/epidural in. He found it, and I felt him mark the area with his fingernail. "Hmm, that's actually smart." I thought. I felt the first injection, which was to numb the area. That made me nervous. I needed an analgesic to prep me for the real deal?!?! Scary! He softly spoke to me as he worked and let me know what was going on. He said he was doing the spinal and I didn't necessarily feel pain, but I felt an insane amount of pressure directly in the bottom portion of my spine. Like someone tightened a cord in my spine. I remember saying, out loud, "Oh my God. That is so weird." It was just plain a weird feeling.  Instantly, I felt my legs get warm and tingly and numb. The anesthesiologist said, "Oh my, I didn't realize how tall you are.. Hurry while you can and scoot down on the bed." THAT was a feat! It was so hard to scoot down but I managed! They were cleaning my tummy and prepping and I kept saying, "I can kinda feel that!" Just to make sure we were all aware that I was still feeling things! They reassured me it was okay. All of a sudden I got a wave of nausea.. No, not a wave. Like a flat out tsunami of nausea. It swept over me and pulled me under. I got clammy and sweaty and so nauseous I thought I was going to have to ask them to get me a bucket. He immediately injected my IV with something and within 2 minutes, I was nausea free. I then remember saying, "Whoa. Medicine is amazing." They then escorted my husband in and I knew it was time to get things started. I remember them saying it was 8:10 when they started. I could feel pulling and tugging and a bit of pressure but nothing painful AT ALL. The worst part was the nausea and the IV in the wrist.. UGH. Hated that part. But after a few minutes of tugging and pulling and Rob soothing me by telling me how amazing I was doing and how we're almost done and petting my hair- I heard them say, "Look at that head! We have a girl! (joking)" The staff laughed, I heard my amazing doctor ask the time. It was 8:16 AM. I heard that cry and my eyes just spilled over with tears. I was bawling, I could see Rob just in awe at the beautiful baby we created. He said, "He's big, babe. He's beautiful with dark hair like you." Some people say they resent that about their c-sections, that they didn't SEE their baby right away. That part was magical to me. The anticipation, the imagining what that little darling looks like, the knowing he was just a few feet from me and I'd be seeing him any moment. Rob brought him over to me and I just sobbed and kissed his face and instantly said that instinctive thing, "It's okay baby. It's okay. I love you." I say those things daily now. Now I have him home. He pees on us sometimes when we change him, he's most social at about 2-4 AM, he doesn't wanna talk much during the day unless he is hungry or has a dirty diaper, he spits up- and you know what? He's amazing. He snuggles better than people who have had lifetimes of practice, he looks up at me and doesn't even have to be able to speak to say I love you, mom. He smiles big at all the right moments. He makes me laugh without even trying. He makes me cry tears of joy, never a single one of sadness. He has the whole house wrapped around his finger. He is absolutely perfect and is worth every single tear, every single loss, every single ache of the heart we endured to get him. He is pure magic. He is our baby boy. Chance Allen Jones. <3





Friday, January 27, 2012

25.5 weeks and so many things to say!

Well, things have been fantastic!
We found out that baby is a BOY! A wonderful, healthy, beautiful boy!
We are naming him Chance Allen Jones. He is so active and strong! Not much longer til he is with us!
Here are pics of his gender/anatomy ultrasound! 





Tomorrow, I will be posting again as we are going for our 3D ultrasound! We are so excited!

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Nothing short of a miracle..

     I often wonder to myself if all women feel this way in pregnancy.  There are such highs and lows. The highs of finally having made it never go away. But the lows are looming. "Will I be a good mommy?", "Will I be able to do this?", "Why does everyone make it sound so agonizing but beautiful?" - That is one thing I will never understand until baby is here. I can't even phathom what this means. How terribly hard but worth it, it is. I just don't get it quite yet. 
    I am beginning to feel baby move more often. In fact, I felt that little monster 3 seconds before I started this sentence. It is such a feeling that has no words. There are no words to describe it. Amazing doesn't do it justice.  The quick little bubble or flutter I will feel here and there and just KNOW deep down that it is baby turning over or stretching a leg out.....it's just a phenomenal feeling.
    I still cannot for one second believe I am here. The weeks pile on and I feel like I am left breathless with "Whoa, 18 weeks 3 days already?" (today).  I still listen to baby everyday at least once a day. It's getting so strong, Rob can hear it from another room and he'll ask "How fast, babe?" ...That is one of my favorite moments I have ever experienced.  I look forward to it everyday. My day is not whole until I hear that baby is fine and beating away. I feel like my life will never be fulfilled again until I know each and every day that my baby is okay -whether they are 3 or 56. I now know why my mom and dad call me so often. How can you rest every night, completely satisfied, without knowing your heart and soul and your everything is okay?  I don't understand moms who take for granted this miracle. I don't understand dads who walk away, never to turn back. I am completely devoted to this little baby.  I am wrapped around his/her finger and I am so in love.
   I just can't wait to see those eyes. To watch that little mouth curl into a smile. To be by his/her side for each triumph and tribulation. To be there any time I am needed. To read a story when monsters are under the bed. To bake cookies or paint a picture wiith when life seems  a bit hectic or ugly. I don't know how to thank God or my angels or my lucky stars enough for this gift.. But I will work every single day to make them proud and to do right by my little family.
     Mommy loves you, Monster. Forever and for always.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

14 weeks! 2nd trimester glow!

I am so happy!
So so happy. Never in my dreams did I think I'd end up here.
SECOND TRIMESTER.
I wake up with my hand on my belly. I can feel which side baby is on, making it super easy to find him/her on doppler.  And I hear that little angel's heartbeat everyday.
My tummy is filling out, my sickness is going away, I see why people call this the honeymoon trimester. I am so in love.

Here's my 14 week pic! :)

Monday, October 24, 2011

12 Week Picture!

It has been a month since I took a pic last?? I think..
Sorry, it has been chaos here with the rearranging, etc.  But here is today's tummy pic!
:)

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

It wasn't always so happy, but there was always love.

As I rolled over to flip on my light switch this morning, I look over and see my fetal heart doppler.  I smile big and it's because I have heard baby's heartbeat numerous times. Always ranging from 155-165 beats per minute. A great, strong heartbeat for this little angelic monster that is growing so rapidly.  I decide to go ahead and hear it one more time- after all, my doctor did give the okay.  I put some doppler gel (aloe vera gel) on my tummy and I start to search for our little darling. It takes a little while each time I do it; I am relentless though, and walking away without hearing that little symphony of thumps is  just not an option.  I find it, 160 bpm this morning. I sit there and just can't believe how blessed I am.  God has blessed me and I definitely worked hard for it. 
I begin to reminisce about the journey Rob and I started on to get here. It wasn't always smiles and blessings. It was hard. It was painstakingly hard. We kept on going, though. In the short time we have been married (2 years in November) every mission, journey, task, goal we have set for ourselves has been seen through.  We are a fantastic team. No matter how hard it has gotten, no matter how  many fights and disagreements through these journeys, no matter how impossible it seemed- we ultimately joined hands, locked in, and kept on going. We beat infertility. We paid off close to 10,000 dollars in debt. We got through a deployment. We have dealt with each other's health issues and needs. We have held each other through two miscarriages and 14 months of failed fertility treatments. We did it all together.  I can remember a time I was going in for an ultrasound and that was to only SEE if I possibly had an egg forming for the rest of the fertility treatment. I remember testing positive for pregnancy only to find myself bleeding. I remember crying into Rob's arms late at night because the fertility treatments were just too much for me emotionally and physicially. Each month, I told him "No more." And he stood by my side. Until the time came, and I decided "Okay, let's try once more." Once more turned into 14 months and finally when we had had enough- we decided to get some real help from a real fertility clinic. We set up our appointment. It was to be on August 29th.  We stopped the fertility treatments here and awaited our appointment for August 29th. 
On August 15th, I had a dream so real that I was pregnant that when I woke up, I took a pregnancy test AND an ovulation test. The ovulation test was a BLARING positive. The most beautiful positive I have ever seen on a test. And the weird part is, it was all me. It wasn't with Clomid, or trigger shots, or estrogen pills or progesterone suppositories. It was good old fashioned herbal remedies (Vitamin C, Geritol, Peppermint Tea, Lemon water detox every morning, and Soy Isoflavones).  I thought I'd experiment with herbal remedies given to me by a friend, Brandi, while we awaited the appointment in Albuquerque.  I ran to show Rob the positive test!! We were both so excited!
9 days later, on August 24th, I was home alone and I tested for pregnancy, not expecting to see anything come up on the test. I couldn't believe it! There it was! Two beautiful lines! And that has been the start to this new beautiful journey for Rob and myself.  We are due May 7th, 2012 and we were able to cancel that appointment in Albuquerque.  I am 11 weeks 1 day... and I wouldn't trade the tears, the pain, the heartache, or the feelings of emptiness for anything in the world. It got us to where we are right now. 

Friday, October 14, 2011

Baby's Beat!

Ok, sorry for the absence lately.  The house has been going under some rennovations and changes! I am 10 weeks 4 days today and I got my Sonoline B fetal doppler in the mail yesterday. I was getting rather discouraged because I couldn't find baby's heartbeat.. I tried today and got it for like 5 seconds! Then again a bit later for a few more seconds.
I left the doppler at home, ran some errands, and came home and decided to try again. I searched for that heartbeat and FOUND IT! I was able to record it this time, too! I am so excited to show Rob and to show you all too!

Here's the link! As soon as I can, (hopefully Monday) I will get a tummy pic up also! Love you all! 
 

Sorry for the shifty camera work. Camera was resting on my chest as I was trying to push down enough on doppler/tummy and hold the lcd screen up.. Quite difficult!!!